Feel Good Project day 45
I find myself in a ‘land between’ season in life.
Extreme Health Radio has been the first time in my life I truly feel HEARD. I am so not used to that. In fact, at times I find myself still trying to censor myself by talking fast for fear of getting cut off or not being listened to, or trying to express myself in a hurried fashion so that I won’t bore people.
The idea that people might actually want to listen to anything I have to say still floors me.
It stems from the years many of my clients really didn’t listen to me. That is okay-it’s what I have sadly just grown to accept. They want to talk AT me, so that is what I have allowed myself to become to them, a sounding board, as that is possibly the whole reason they came in for an appointment in the first place.
We ALL need to be heard.
I am happy to have been able to fill that role for them all of these years.
Thankfully I am surrounded by wonderful friends and family who have and continue to hear me, even when I don’t get that from clients. I believe that is what has kept me from becoming resentful or bitter about the client situation and seeming lack of care for what I may have going on in life.
It’s not that I WANT to talk about ME all the time to them or anything, it would just be awesome to have a balanced conversation where there is more give and take, instead of often wasted time milling over people I don’t know like an hour long story of someone’s second cousin twice removed!
It can get exhausting.
I have been texting and telling my clients this past week about my plans to retire at the end of the year, and I feel like I am actually being heard and seen, for the very first time by some in fact, even though we’ve journeyed together for many years.
In all fairness about 10% of my “clients” have actually become life long friends and have poured into me in ways that have blessed me beyond belief.
I received a text back this morning from a client saying she was still reeling from the news I had shared with her yesterday. She sadly admitted that she had been coming to me for her hair for the past 12 years and had absolutely no idea what my favorite color was, or what kind of flowers made me happy. She kindly wanted to get me a bouquet as a gift for the years of my service, and had been struck by the fact that she knew so little about me, what my hobbies or likes are, or who I really am.
This was somewhat sad, but totally validating to me. Sometimes I tend to think throughout the years that the seeming lack of care from people about my life or well being was all in my head. Not the case it seems, and it actually made me feel a bit better today.
Upon telling my clients of this upcoming life change, I feel SEEN and HEARD and honored in a way I never have or would have had I not decided to make this change.
Odd thing it all is.
It feels really nice of course, and I am super grateful for the love I am feeling.
The sad part is that it takes something like that to wake people up. Reminds me of the quote about how sometimes the only way to really love or appreciate something is to realize it can be lost.
This whole thing has actually inspired ME to live life different. To treat everything and everyone who is important to me in just that way: to imagine my life without them, so I can truly value them and our time together NOW in a new, real way.
Good soul searching today for sure.
This has cast a different light on everyone I have come in contact with since this morning. Powerful time for me right now as I get ready to close a chapter in my life and embark on a new journey. 🙂
You know what was funny too?
I had to think for a minute about the color and flower question. Which is interesting because I realized sometimes how little we know OURSELVES, not just others. We get so busy with life that sometimes the most simple ponderings and likings get pushed to the wayside.
I made time today to sit quietly for a few moments and get back to hearing that part of my inner voice that gets pushed down and forgotten sometimes, as there are way more ‘important’ things to think about throughout the days.
Rust colored vintage roses are my absolute favorite.
Next time I see them in a market, I shall buy them for myself as a reminder that I hear ME, and that the seemingly small things matter.
FEEL GOOD MOMENT OF THE DAY: The slew of Christmas cards that have been arriving and continued to arrive today from friends near and far, reminding me of the very FULL life I have been blessed with. Seeing their faces shine back at me when I open each envelope brings a flood of memories and that makes me FEEL good to know I am called their friend.
Photo: https://www.flickr.com/photos/shatteredmartialartiststream/3243127488/in/photostream/
